


Quantum Theory

by Tarlan



Category: Quantum Leap
Genre: Angst, Community: smallfandomfest, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-05-30
Updated: 2009-05-30
Packaged: 2017-10-12 22:38:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/129883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tarlan/pseuds/Tarlan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam leaps into a younger version of himself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Quantum Theory

**Author's Note:**

> Written for MMOM2009 Challenge - Day 30 and for Smallfandomfest Fest05 - Quantum Leap, Sam, Exhaustion.

The hardest part of time travel was never knowing where you were going to end up.

As the Quantum effect died away, Sam's vision focused in on the people around him. For once there was no one watching him, no one waiting for an answer to some unheard question. Instead they were gazing up to where a young man sat on the outside edge of a fourth floor balcony, poised between life and death. The sounds of sirens and of an anxious, shuffling crowd hit his hearing a moment later and Sam cringed at the sudden overload. It was too much too soon after the last jump, and he was so tired.

"Please, you have to do something!"

Sam's attention was dragged to the young woman who grasped hold of his sleeve; her dark, Hispanic eyes beseeching him for help, and he blinked. Her face was so familiar, and so was the place surrounding him. He spared a moment to catch a blurred reflection in the window of a car as he was pulled towards the entrance of a familiar building, seeing nothing truly distinguishing in his clothing. Just an ordinary looking guy.

A Police officer pushed open the door and allowed Sam to enter, and he recognized the student housing at his old college. The elevator's were out of order but that was no surprise considering the lack of funding. Sam took the stairs two at a time but as he turned at the third landing he caught sight of his full length reflection in a tall mirror and gasped, momentarily stunned. It had been so many years and so many leaps since he'd seen his own face that he'd almost forgotten what he looked like, let alone how he had looked before he stepped into the Quantum Leap accelerator that first time almost four years earlier. He thought about where he had been a few years before that day, and realized he was back on campus, still in the process of working out his theories on time travel and teaching classes in between.

"Oh boy."

Sam pushed the tumultuous thoughts out of his mind and focused on the task that seemed to be ahead of him. As he stepped into the shabby room he could see the outline of the young man, back towards the partially open window as he debated whether or not to throw himself from the building. Sam moved towards the next window along and pushed up the sash frame and edged out onto the ledge.

"Hey, get back. No one invited you out here."

Sam held his hands open and gazed deep into the younger man's eyes. "I'm not gonna try anything. I just want to talk to you."

"Well, I've had enough talking."

"No. No you haven't."

Blue eyes blazed in sudden anger but the edge was dulled by the lack of fear coming from the man standing barely four feet away. Sam didn't recognize the kid, but his mind was like so much Swiss cheese these days. It was a big campus though, filled with students from a dozen disciplines and not just the Theoretical Maths and Physics department.

"What's your name?"

The boy sneered. "Why? You wanna make sure you get the next of kin? Don't bother, they won't be interested."

"No. I just want to know who I'm talking to."

Suspicion drew the eyes into narrow slits but intrigue won out.

"Michael. Michael Harris."

The name meant something but whether that was from all of those years in the past or from a hazily recalled future was unknown.

"My name's Sam."

"Now I suppose you're gonna ask me why I'm out on this ledge?"

"You don't have to tell me, not if you don't want to... but I think it might help if you did."

Michael screwed his eyes up as he studied the other man. He exhaled sharply, a wry smile straightening his slightly crooked mouth.

"Hell, what's the difference. I'm a queer. I like men - and it's not natural to like men." He stated it as though reading it from a quote, making Sam wonder if he was repeating back harsh words spoken to him earlier.

"Why?"

Michael looked confused, or perhaps stunned to find no expression of disgust cross Sam's face, but Sam had never understood why anyone would deny the power of love in whatever form it took - as long as it harmed no one.

"Why? Why isn't it natural, or why am I queer?"

"Why is it so important that you want to kill yourself over it?"

Michael's forehead creased into a frown as if that wasn't the question he had been expecting and Sam could see that it had taken him further off guard; Sam gave him no time to collect his thoughts. He indicated the crowd standing four floor's below.

"Do you think they care what you are?"

"He left me for a girl."

The face crumpled and tears threatened to trip over the rim of the luminous, blue eyes. Inside, Sam's heart flipped in sorrow for the younger man. Unrequited love. The age old story that brought pain and suffering to whomever it touched. Sam wondered how many people had died on the altar of that sad form of love.

"Sitting on this ledge preparing to jump won't change anything. Taking your own life won't change what happened."

Again the confusion. "Why wouldn't it?"

Sam frowned. Perhaps he wasn't suicidal but Sam could tell he was distraught over what had happened. What could he say to ease the terrible heartbreak? Nothing. There was nothing he could say except that things wouldn't look so bleak when he looked back on all this in a few years time, and yet that statement seemed so glib. Sam could almost imagine the response from a young man caught in the raging hormones of adolescence. He would cry, Nobody understands me, and probably leap off the building.

"Maybe he wasn't the one. Maybe there's someone else out there waiting for you. You just need to give them time to find you."

Michael glanced sideways at him before lowering his head in defeat but still he made no moves to indicate he was going to jump. Sam began to suspect that Michael had never intended to jump at all, that this was just a young man trying to find a quiet place to gather his thoughts and lick his wounds. Silently, Sam wondered if all Michael had needed was a little space, and someone to care whether he lived or died.

"Come on in now."

Hands pulled the young man back through the open window. As Michael was pulled from his grasp and led away, Sam wondered if this leap was over for it was not the first time he had leaped into a body with only one act to perform, but nothing happened. No sudden tingling as the quantum effect pulled his mind out of the host body towards the unknown. No lights that danced before his eyes in twists of blue lightning. Nothing. All he felt was the exhaustion of years jumping from one body to another, often with little respite. He rubbed his hand over his face and sighed deeply, wondering what else this particular jump had in store for him.

Sam gazed around as the others wandered from the room, their jobs completed, thankful that the kid had not seriously wanted to take his own life, but nothing else happened to persuade him that he still had work to perform, and so far there had been no sign of Al. For a long time, he sat in the small room, waiting for something - anything. The silence grew longer as the police cars and people dispersed leaving him alone with his thoughts.

"Hey, Mister. Can we have our room back now?"

Sam looked up in surprise at the sudden intrusion and nodded.

"Sure. I'm sorry."

The inner tingling that had always warned him when he had found the person or persons he was to help was missing and, as he wearily descended the stairs, his thoughts centered on the one being in all the universe whom he trusted beyond anything else.

"Al? Where are you?"

***

As he wandered out of the entrance, a car caught his attention. Some distant memory called to him and he wandered over. Digging deep into the pockets of his jacket his fished out a set of keys and tried one in the lock. The door opened and he slid into the driver's seat. Sam glanced into the mirror, his hands reaching up to stroke the familiar features and, for the first time this leap, he smiled. He wasn't home - not by a long shot - but he was a close as he could be without actually being there. He was in his own adult body, feeling the throb of his own heart pushing his own blood around his own veins. The smile broadened into a grin as he gazed upon his younger reflection. All he had to do now was try to remember where the hell he had lived.

As soon as he started to drive, old memories resurfaced and, eventually he pulled over outside a small house. He had no idea what year it was although he could guess it was late Spring as the last few blossoms on the trees lining the road were floating away with each slight breeze. He waited inside the car for several minutes, staring at the almost familiar landscape and fervently wishing some hole in his Swiss cheese mind would fill with memories of this time in his life. Sam pulled the mirror around once more and stared deeply into familiar eyes before allowing his gaze to move outward and take in the young features of a time was he was barely out of adolescence. He smiled as he recognized the lingering traces of puppy fat in the farm-boy cheeks and laughed softly. What age was he? He'd left the farm at 16, the youngest student in his doctorate course but this face was more worldly-wise than the fresh-faced 16-year-old that he remembered from an earlier leap home. No, there were lines of strain around the eyes from too many days spent in the laboratory, working on his theories.

He sighed, wishing Al were there so he could bask in the glow of confidence that always surrounded the other man but there was still no sign of his self-appointed guardian. Sam stared at the one story building. At least the place looked vaguely familiar. He wondered what had happened to his guardian angel, missing the easy-going friendship and the quick smile. Stepping from the car Sam smiled in relief as he spotted the well-remembered figure waiting on the porch with his back to Sam.

"There you are. I've been wondering when you were going to show."

Sam's eyes widened as the man whipped around at the sound of Sam's voice. The dark eyes were guarded revealing no evidence of the deep friendship that existed between them.

"I'm sorry, Dr Beckett. You got me there. Had we arranged something?"

Sam pulled back slightly at the formality, confused by his friend's reaction. Slowly, he took in Al's features for the first time and Sam gasped as he noticed the years missing from the expressive face. First the discovery of finding himself in his own body and now the lack of familiarity between him and Al. It was all too much. Sam reached out towards the figure and gasped anew as his hand made contact with solid flesh. This wasn't the holographic Al who guided him through his many leaps, this was the real Al from whatever year he had materialized into. He clasped harder at the strong arm, his heart flipping over at his ability to touch the one man who meant so much to him.

"Are you okay, Doc?"

Sam pulled himself together as worry creased the familiar Italian features into a frown.

"Sure. I just had a difficult half hour talking down a jumper."

"I thought you were a Physicist, not a psychiatrist."

"So did I. Let's go in the house."

Sam tried several keys before one slid securely into the lock and glanced back to catch a faint smile on his companion's face. No doubt Admiral Albert Calavicci thought him the epitome of an absent-minded professor. Sam gazed around the half-remembered interior. Getting through the initial social niceties of offering a seat and a drink went well until he opened what he thought was the kitchen door and found himself in a cupboard.

"Just putting away my shoes."

Sam slipped off the sneakers and placed them inside then took a stab at the next door along. Success. The small kitchen had everything he needed laid out on the main preparation surface and he had coffee on the go within seconds.

He sneaked a look at the man sitting in the other room and smiled at the sight of the smaller man engrossed in an edition of New Scientist. The short, dark hair curled softly around one visible ear and Sam remembered the occasional dreams of running fingers through the soft curls. His stomach flipped as he realized he could make those dreams come true but then, with a heart-stopping lurch, he remembered this Al was a stranger, and had never shown any interest in men. This Al had not spent the passed three years following him from one leap to the next. This Al didn't even call him by his first name.

With reality came the question. Why was he here? He wished he could remember what else had happened at this time in his life. The coffee-maker chose that moment to announce it was ready and Sam turned back. He gasped when he saw the previously unnoticed calendar hanging on the wall. Sam trailed a finger over the year and month. May 1986. Three years before he had stepped into the Quantum Generator. Phoenix, Arizona. Information began to trickle back into his mind. It was the year he had been approached by the military and offered a grant for Project Starbright.

Sam squeezed his eyes shut as he tried to force access to more of that memory and let out a breath filled with frustration when nothing more was forthcoming. He rubbed a hand over his face; too tired to try any longer.

"Dr Beckett?"

Sam opened his eyes to read concern in the expressive dark depths, the crease of a frown marring the face beneath the tangle of short, curly hair.

"It's okay. Delayed shock."

Al nodded his head slowly but his narrowed eyes showed disbelief.

"Perhaps you'd better sit down."

Sam nodded and brushed passed the younger version of his closest friend but couldn't resist the slight tremble as skin touched skin. It was what he had dreamed about through all those years of leaping; being able to touch his one constant in an ever changing world, but there was more to his feelings for Al than just that. 1969 crept back into his memory and the realization that Al had given up his freedom so Tom Beckett would live. On that day, respect and close friendship had turned to love. Sam slumped onto the sofa, his thoughts still spinning but as he gazed up his eyes were captured and held while one final thought tumbled to the front. When had Platonic love turned physical?

They spoke for a while longer but it was clear that Sam was having a hard time focusing.

"Look, it's been a long day. Can we reschedule this?"

"Tomorrow?"

"Yeah. Tomorrow."

After the Al of 1986 left, promising to return tomorrow to discuss Sam's work on Quantum acceleration, Sam took a long shower and then climbed into bed. He thought he would fall to sleep quickly but memories of Al lingered until he could no longer resist the need of his body, knowing release would allow his mind to shut down too and give him the rest he needed so desperately.

As images from the last five years paraded before him, fueled by the most recent sense of touch, he brought himself to a slow burn, falling over the edge and straight into a deep and needed sleep. When he opened his eyes, many hours later, he was a thousand miles and two decades away from where he had fallen asleep. Blinking blearily, he saw Al sitting beside his bed with the ever-present hand-held computer in his hand. Without thinking, he reached out and sighed when his hand passed right through Al.

"Sleep well?"

Sam leaned up on his elbows, and blinked again in surprise because he did feel well rested, the exhaustion of the past months seemed to have slipped away as he slept.

"Where were you?"

Al looked confused. "I've been here all night."

Warmth from that statement flooded through him and he ducked his head to hide his smile. He took a deep breath but pushed aside the first thought of asking who and where and WHEN he was now. Instead he asked about the jump Al seemed to have missed.

"Michael Harris, 1986 Phoenix, Arizona? Does the name mean anything to you?"

"Wait..." Al tapped in the name and viciously smacked the side of the hand-held when it seemed to freeze. "Come on, Ziggy!" He frowned. "Hmm! I thought so! It was his work on crystal lattice technology that provided the breakthrough you needed to complete Project Starbright."

It kind of made sense now. He could not help but wonder if Michael Harris might have jumped that day in May 1986, or fallen from the ledge if Sam had not been there. If Michael Harris had never completed his work then Sam would never have finished the Quantum Leap Accelerator, and all of those lives he had changed for the better during his many leaps would have remained tragically unaltered.

Smiling wryly, Sam looked around what was obviously a young girl's bedroom, catching sight of a beautiful girl in the mirror opposite. "So, who am I?"

"You're Teresa Stamson, and tomorrow you're supposed to get married."

"Oh boy!"

END


End file.
